Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
