I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
