apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
