Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
