Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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