The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
