as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
