My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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