ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
