Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
