Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
