I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
