dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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