i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
