A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
