if you like me you must not know who I am
i permit you to call me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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