Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
