i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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