And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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