i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
