and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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