And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They have beer where we have blood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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