just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
