so explain again why im purple
no
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
