Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
