I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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