He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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