Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
