im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize