Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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