I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
