Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ttyl tear gas
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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