Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
