You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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