just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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