Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
