I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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