Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
