mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
