Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
