I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
