Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
