just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
