Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
