glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
