you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
