Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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