thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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