He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
