Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
