He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Even my vagina gasped.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize