Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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