Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize