Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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