you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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