Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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