so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
