i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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