so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
