Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
