perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You are a genius and a whore.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
