Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
