Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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