I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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