And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
