thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sext me about skeletons
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
