Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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