i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
