this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
