It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
