Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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