went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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