she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
