I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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