oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
