my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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