there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
