He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
