You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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